Other Movies Seen By This Director (0)
|01.24.07||Weird Wednesday|| After talking with friends outside the Paramount (I love doing that. it makes me feel so communitive to have people bump my shoulder and say hi), I headed down to WW, anxious since I missed last week's The Abductors. I think I've now seen over a year's worth of these things (this'll be 57), and I can't imagine not going as often as possible.|
Anyway, this movie was like a sad twisted incest-malformed remnant of a once-strong lineage called Spaghetti Western. After every variation is explored, every other genre stitched in, every facet imagined... you end up with this: Tony Anthony's "Stranger" escorts the Princess of Spain to her home where barbarians have taken over her ancient castle (rumored to hold the treasure of Rodrigo) and are currently in the midst of battling the Moors. Huh? Right... So to restore the princess to power and take out the barbarians (who look a lot like vikings, except the Shakespeare-obsessed hunchback advisor and the Victorian homosexual council), Anthony has to pass the trials of death to get the treasure, meaning he has to go through a cave, become a black man ("I'm black and I'm dyin!"), run from a bull, and punch out a random barbarian hiding in aforementioned cave. From there it gets tough so he has to GET MEAN with a four-barrel sawed-off revolver shotgun and 48 stickes of Tain't No Thang and a bow with explosive arrows and a six-shooter and a squinty eye. He doesn't care about the princess. He doesn't care about the treasure, he doesn't care about anything ("yup!") except the money he's owed... which has previously been explained is coming out of the treasure so... he kinda does care about the treasure if he stops to think about it (which he never does).
I didn't really care for the first two installments of this Stranger series. They were boring and stale. This one at least has vikings in castles and randomly-placed crystal balls (that are really mirror balls but the lawn art kind not the disco kind). Plus he does deliver one all-time classic line, after he kills the big bad guy, saying that people who string other people up and roast them like pigs (which this guy did) are trash. "But you're worst than trash," he says, "you're garbage. Garbage, fella..."