|04.27.13||DVR|| So... I have a sour anecdote involving pressure to see this opening day that I won't recount but the reason I mention it at all is that I wasn't excited for this movie at all. I think Ridley Scott is overrated and too old to be surprising and really should retire. Sorry to be so harsh but it's how I feel. He made a couple good movies 30 years ago and has been riding that wave since and nowhere is it more apparent than his decision to return to the Alien universe to retcon some shitty new mythology into what should stand as a classic but flawed movie. You know what was the best part of the original Alien? Well, before the release of this movie I would've said the scene where they find the derelict spaceship and see the dead pilot and kind of have to gleam that they somehow were transporting or cotaining these alien eggs. It was subtle and weird and foreign and not all spelled out and triggered my imagination like a motherfucker.|
Well that's all ruined now isn't it. Now I know they're just Mr. Freezes in goddamn diapers who were out to kill their mutant offspring or something ridiculous like that? UGH. Why would they have ANYTHING to do with humans!? What the fuck. Oh, you know what I think is the best idea in any movie ever? Making every storm trooper be a clone of Boba Fett's dad! That's not an impossible coincidence based solely on a certain character's popularity with an audience at all! LET'S RUIN ANOTHER FRANCHISE WITH THAT SAME IDEA! Ohh! I can do one better! let's make it open for SEQUELS!!! GODDAMN IT!
So... this movie somehow managed to bore me and enrage me at the same time. Noomi Rapace's mons was the only good thing about it.
I could go on with a huge list of infuriating nitpicky things like the anachronistic technology levels and vapid characters/performances and terrible random action sequences and an outrageously ridiculous ending (really? You're telling me that a spaceship like a mile in circumference built to travel through the vacuum of space is going to roll LIKE A FUCKING QUARTER??? GAAAAAFUCK!), but I'm goin to save myself the anger and just say that I was right to not see this in the theater and I'm pretty sorry I saw it at all.