|Title:||Hay Country Swingers|
Other Movies Seen By This Director (0)
|09.15.05||Alamo Downtown||This Screening is part of event: QT6|
Sexploitation Night at the QT fest! There's only one more night of new films after this, so so sad! But in other news I've finally been getting off my ass and talking with people in between the films. Aside from the whole AICN crew, I asked John Pierson what it took him to appear on The Real World and he completely agreed with me that that one dude needed to get punched. He also called the blonde slut hot, and said that Dave Grohl, whom he saw the other night, dedicated a whole song to her ("that blonde slut"). He also said he just did his time and got away from those idiots... great answer. I also asked him about "Direction Man," which sometimes plays at the Alamo in the pre-show... to describe it would sort of ruin it so i won't, but Pierson sort of introduces it with Kevin Smith on the Clerks set. He talked about how the clip actually has a real twist and gets much less benign. Great. now i have to find a copy.
I also said hey to the guy who runs cinemastrikesback.com, which is running excellent blow-by-blow write-ups of the entire fest... so if you want to get a complete picture of this week instead of just my thoughts and perspective, head on over there (same goes for dumbdistraction.com and of course AICN) and a few others, generally sharing in our movie geekery where i am continually exposed to tons of stuff i never knew even existed. man i am such a small fish in this pond.
anyway, the first movie of the night, Hay Country Swingers, is a german flick about.... you know i really don't know what it was about. This girl ends up at a farmhouse... i guess you could call that a plot. anyway, before QT came up, Lars (yeah, Lars!) told us all about how he loves sexploitation films and has seen a bunch of em and in his opinion the countries that they are made have a correlation between the quality of their sexploitation films and the quality of their food. He cited France and Italy as having wonderfully hot and great flicks, then said German stuff was just beer & bratwurst, greasy shit. And then he said even within german sexploitation there are levels of quality and Quentin had decided to show a lederhosen film tonight, truly the lowest of the low. Lars then said to QT: you must have balls the size of volkswagons to show this, and I applaud you for it.
To which QT gets up and intros the film. It was very funny and i think all of the details have oozed out of my ear because I can't remember anything he said.
Anyway, the movie makes absolutely no sense. every guy is horny and tries to get with any living being in the scene, I don't think there's one scene in the entire film that doesn't end with softcore sex. I also don't think there's one scene where some rendition of Beethoven's Ode to Joy is played. The girls are all either cute or 70s-esque though and the whole movie is really quite funny. I was strongly reminded of all those trashy dubbed films they used to play on Cinemax Friday After Dark during my burgeoning youth. 2069 A Sex Odyssey, that one Emanuelle that was Japanese, maybe even a Jess Franco movie or two if i'm not mistaken.
One thing to mention about this film is one character, I really never knew which one... whether she was the wife of the owner or one of the lesbo farmhands or any of the seemingly random people that would just pop up to either have sex or try to have sex, introduced the main girl to a vibrator. Main girl: i've heard about these and always wanted to use one. it looks so complicated. random woman: it's easy, just use it like this. Then she procedes to titillate her titties, working it all over her upper torse and even down the side of her leg once or twice. I really hope no burgeoning youth women saw this and took it as educational...
There was also the dopey handimen who is sexually taunted by all the babes in heat. We last saw him in Funeral Home, where prodigious amounts of ear-hair kept him from getting any play from the tragically un-hot "hot girl." This time around, he gets to poke and prod and slobber all he wants until all the women harshly end things and he's left to his own devices. Poor dopey handiman.
One last thing. Right at the end of the movie, the main girl finally uses her vibrator and finally figures out another place to put it besides on her breasts, abdomen, legs, neck, and arms. The movie then cuts to this animated cuckoo clock where the arms of the clock are little phalluses and the ticker is a huge swinging pair of balls. The hour strikes and an animated cock jumps out and goes on this little adventure where first it roams free but then it runs from this really ugly woman with hard nipples. It pulls up it's foreskin to hide, it disguises itself as a cannon, it deflates until someone tickles it hard again, all kinds of crazy stuff just out of the blue. Cut back to the main girl finished with the vibe. I guess it was supposed to symbol some sort of internal masturbatory fantasy but... if so that is one CRAZY freak of a woman... hilarious? yes, erotic? nope.
Anyway, it was a fun romp absolutely fitting the title of tonight's theme, probably made better because it was so German and definitely saved by the bizarre animation at the end. Quentin mentioned that dopey handimen have become an emerging pattern this year but I'd contend that animated penises have also reared their ugly heads, so to speak.